Lets all laugh at the Top 4!!

This transfer window has hardly been a Tottenham fan's dream. The Sandro saga rolls on with his agent, club and year 7 maths teacher all pitching in with cast iron quotes about how his 'dream move' to England is 'hours from completion' whilst also stating he will under no circumstances be leaving Internationale. Generally speaking though, it has been quieter and more timid than Luka Modric doing karaoke; little clawed hairy hands nervously gripping the microphone, emitting occasional high pitched squeaks of fear.

The usually boisterous tabloids have acted like an unpopular 15 year old child at his first houseparty; sitting quietly in the corner,hair spiked up for the occasion in one of dad's best shirts, glugging Tesco value vodka in the vain hope of Dutch courage. Suddenly, just as the party begins to wind down and people lose interest, our underage "rep top" boozer will stumble forward, vainly mumble something incoherent but undeniably sexual to the lead cheerleader and then projectile vomit against the wall.

Picking aside the hearty chunks of carrot and turkey twizzlers, the Flamini story is an interesting one and certainly a viable proposition (especially at a Krancjar-esque £6 million steal as quoted). However, we should all view the majority of stories as we would a vomiting child; with undoubted curiosity but ultimately with a sense of repulsion and disdain.

Fortunately for us, our buddies from the Top 4 appear to have teamed up to make this a week of unbridled hilarity for us humble Tottenham fans. First, both Man Utd and Liverpool have treated us to displays of startling incompetence in the FA cup. Berbatov continues to shower himself in glory with his tenacious, work horse displays that have made £30 million look like a veritable snip, and Tevez has demonstrated exactly why Sir Alex let him go; with his on-pitch sulks, unwillingness to track back and inability to score. Liverpool not only lost Gerrard and Torres to injury, they also...erm...lost...to Reading. Truly with characters like David N'Gog and the devastatingly on form Ryan Babel ready to step into the breach I tremble at the prospect of our Anfield fixture. Don't worry Pool fans, only another 4 and a half years left on Rafa's contract.

Meanwhile Chelsea have caused snorts of laughter amongst city types with allegations they are now "debt free". Even the kind of child who sat picking his nose and daydreaming about matron in GCSE business studies isn't fooled by the conversion of debt into equity. Its almost as ludicrous and see through as that idea of Gordon Brown's to print money in a recessio...oh no wait...he actually did that?

Just as I was about to lie back in bed and light up a cigarette, sweaty and exhausted after such generous entertainment from the media hacks, one last story caught my eye. Remember the cheeky chappie pictured? Fresh from his adventures at Notts County under Sven (although I believe he was occasionally on top) I felt a clump of honey nut cheerios catch in my throat as I read of his "re-transfer" to Ar5ena1. Now we all have our feelings about dear old Sol and that deeply unfortunate misunderstanding that saw him forget to sign a contract with us and made him the most expensive Bosman transfer of all time..*breathes slowly, red faced. Opens up Campbell's wikipedia page, taps away on keyboard, giggles*...but, even putting our feelings aside this is a laughable transfer.

I watched Campbell at Portsmouth and he was so wooden that they might as well have just put a dining room table on the edge of the box (at least it might have worked against Keane). Campbell is not only painfully slow, old and lacking in match fitness but, the Notts County debacle is a decent sign his head isn't right. How he will cope against the quick feet of players like Defoe or the pace of Agbonlahor goodness only knows, but one injury may make this Tottenham's fans wet dream a reality. All this has left Wenger looking tighter than Allardyce's waistband and the fury of Arsenal fans on the forums has been a joy to behold.

Anyway I'm just off to take a phonecall from Murdoch's solicitor. Let us hope and pray this insanity continues. Shock 'pay as you play' contract for Greavsey anyone?

InArryWeTrust