A Polite Request for Darren Bent: Sit Down and Shut Up

You might have noticed that Darren Bent is scoring goals this season. With half the season gone his brace at Sunderland puts him a solitary goal behind our little pocket rocket in the race for the Golden Boot. You would have to be living under a rock not to have heard the sickly sweet praise being heaped on him by the chest waxing, teeth whitening, perma-tanned metrosexuals on MOTD. Suddenly there are calls for a place on the plane to South Africa. After all, he's scoring goals, that means he must be good..right?

I never disliked Darren Bent as a person when he was at Spurs. Unlike Berbatov he covered plenty of ground, chased up loose balls and genuinely looked like he gave a toss when he scored. However, few Tottenham fans will look back in bleary eyed nostalgia at the 'good old days' when Benty was spearheading our attack. At best he was the kind of player who didn't suit our style of play. Playing the ball over the top or lumping long balls forward for flick ons has never been (and hopefully never will be) the way Tottenham play. At worst (and probably closer to the truth) he was out of his depth. The pressure of playing at a top club, the looming spectre of his price tag and his pairing with considerably more accomplished players left him looking distinctly average.

I can hear the 'Bent for England' lobby now, checking their stats through spectacles steamed up with nerdish indignation "He scored goals for you...he was your top scorer". Yes, Bent scored goals for us but what the stats don't tell you is how many times he missed headers, ballooned simple shots and wasted golden opportunities getting the ball trapped under his feet. The number of times a move would build up over several minutes only for Bent to run it out of play or shoot hopelessly wide are too numerous to recall. When I think of his name I do not think of his goal tally, I think of the frustration and fury I felt watching him, the howls of derision from every other fan in the stand and the laughter of my mates at the pub everytime he blew a chance.

Despite all this I felt no bad feeling towards him and was happy to see him linked with a move away in the summer. Before we could wish him all the best my news now feed was flooded by reports of his foul mouthed tirade on Twitter. I can understand the frustration and uncertainty involved in such a prolonged transaction but this isn't Championship Manager, this is real life with real money. Tottenham is not just a football club, it is a business, and an incredibly successful one. Levy was only doing his best to get a realistic return on our admittedly inflated purchase price.

Since his move, in every interview I have watched he has dropped in references to Tottenham and 'Arry in particular. All have been negative, not only about 'Arry and his management style but about the dressing room, the board and the club itself. A true professional would stand tall and let the goals speak for themselves. They would have the self-respect not to be drawn into bitching about a former club in the media, the dignity to remember who took a chance on them in the first place. Defoe spent more time on the bench over the course of years than Bent ever did yet when he moved to Pompey there wasn't one negative remark, only a profound sadness that things hadn't worked out how he had wished.

My most fervent desire is that Bent gets a place in the England team so that millions of people all round the world can see what a thoroughly average and mentally weak player he really is.

InArryWeTrust

Tottenham v West Ham: A pitchside view

I have not made it to White Hart Lane as much as I would have liked this season. I along with 24,000+ other fans have sat patiently on the season ticket waiting list for time immemorial; every season shuffling up to Master Levy, the foreman of the workhouse, thrusting my grubby hands forward grasping a cheque for 1000 shillings and, head bowed, hopefully pleading 'Please sir, can we have some more?'.

I am reliably informed that yesterday was a 'London derby' and the very fact that we scoff at this shows just how far we have come as a team. The atmosphere was decent but not electric, it was only the Hammers fans who (as we consistently reminded them), treated it like a cup final. Fair play to them as well, they sung all the way through and apart from the moronic abuse thrown at 'Arry and Defoe it was good value. The same cannot be said of their team. Even before the injuries they looked weak and afterwards they were utterly toothless. The last time I watched a team that poor at the Lane it was Newcastle and we all know how that ended. You had to spare a thought for Diamanti who seemed to be trying to play us himself. Always sad to see an established team drop but come the end of the season I have no doubt they will be in the desperate scrap to stay up.

Tottenham did not deliver a 3-0 Man City-esque performance; at times it was lethargic and staler than Arsenal's trophy cabinet. However, from start to finish we had the game completely under control, and never looked like throwing it away. Huddlestone and Palacios were embarrassingly dominant in midfield in the abscence of Parker and it was little surprise to see the Hudd given man of the match. When given time and space there are few better, he pinged balls out faster and more accurately than some of the uniquely talented ladies I have watched on late night Japanese television. For once he actually seemed to be employing his formidable physical strength, bumping players off the ball with ease. When Huddlestone is good he is a joy to watch and probably deserved a goal. That said, the lad has a turning circle matched only by the Titanic and when pressurised by a more tenacious midfield has a tendency to go quiet. Palacios was not back to his best and his distribution was erratic but he cleared up well and put in some challenges worthy of the Colosseum. It is difficult to express how important he is to us and, if we are going to push on next year, 'Arry has to put an arm round his shoulder. Lennon was excellent and there were genuine media reports that Ilunga had suffered friction burns to his leg trying to stop him. Every time he got the ball he skinned his man and put a ball in; must surely have booked himself a ticket to SA. Modric, apart from his goal, was not at his best and ran out of steam towards the end. He may have the face and the physical strength of a 15 year old girl but its fantastic to have our little Croatian locksmith back. In truth, we looked quicker and more creative when Krancjar bounded off the bench, long hair rippling in the December breeze, the slightest hint of stubble clinging to his sculpted jawline, eyes like pools of ink, luxurious lashes teasing the lane with their delicate flutters...aherm...anyway *slowly takes tissue and dabs on lap*, after so many years of makeshift wingers (Thimothee Atouba anyone??), 'Arry now has a lovely problem out on that left hand side.

Up front Crouchy and Defoe were quiet. Crouchy has a fantastic ability to stand 6 foot 7 and jump 5 foot nothing, getting beaten for headers all afternoon. His aerial ability is useful for set-pieces but otherwise he can shift those feet quicker than Keano doing his Riverdance tribute so why we can't just play it to him on the ground baffles me!?! Defoe drifted in and out of the game but the result was typical of him. After a silent twenty minutes his characteristic pop shot was parried and he lashed the rebound past a startled Green, almost ripping the net clean in the process. Defensively we had very little to do. BAE overlapped well whilst Charlie continued to demonstrate his almost telepathic understanding with Lennon. I imagine 'Arry forcing them to cuddle in the dressing room; little Lennon lying in foetal position on Charlie's bearded lap as he growls out Croatian lullabies, rocking him ever so gently. Absolutely fantastic seeing King Ledley back. He didn't put a foot wrong all game and more encouragingly managed to play the whole 90. Dawson, with the exception of Huddlestone, was the stand out performer. Impeccable in the air, threw himself into every tackle and passed intelligently. It was incredible watching him screaming at King to get back in position and marshalling the backline like a true Lillywhite captain.

A fully fit squad (almost), confidence high and sitting in 4th place with half the season gone...

InArryWeTrust

Merry Xmas Yids

Fellow yids, as we are so often reminded, this time of charity and peace to all men is not a universally happy experience. There are the alone, the estranged, the poor and then of course the humble Tottenham fan. The charge for greatness always seems to hit the buffers around this time of year, with us dropping more points than Gomes does catches. Perhaps it's down to the Hudd's "festive plumpness", the Keane family's Christmas "golf trips" or the distraction Crouch faces as a body double for Will Ferrell in 'Elf'. Yet for once we have much to smile about this year:

1) Here we are half way through an already epic season and we sit in fifth, two points off third and four points off second.

2) A win this Boxing Day will guarantee a top four slot.

3) Both King and Modric are in contention for starts.

4) Sky Sports showed pictures today of the lads messing around having a snowball fight at the training ground. A happy squad is a successful one...

Oh and finally, in Arry's latest interview he described what a 'triffic squad' he had and said he was looking forward to 'a quiet transfer window'. Expect more movement than Crouchy's robot dance and more enquiries than after one of Wenger's school visits.

Merry Christmas Yids!

InArryWeTrust

Arry's Christmas List - Part I

If I were Father Christmas what would I buy dear old 'Arry to keep him happy this festive season?? I'm under the impression that most of the presents he receives come in the form of heavily stuffed brown envelopes so how about something a little bit different this year. Here is my version of our man's player wishlist:

GK: With his comically large hands and a nose that could smell the future Gomes started his career with Tottenham as a joke, the Premiership's clown keeper. Yet, over the last few months he has come on leaps and bounds, to the point where it is difficult to think of a better reflex shot stopper in England's top tier. His command of the box and aerial abilities have matured under the guidance of Tony Parks and it has been a long time (fingers crossed) since his last howler. Perhaps more importantly he has formed a mutual bond of affection with the club and the fans. I will never forget the South Stand singing to Robinson "Robbo Robbo give us a song" at which point all eighteen stone of him swung round hands raised and belted out "Stand up if you hate Arsenal". Gomes has not quite reached such levels of adulation but seems content at the Lane and his crossbar warm-up never fails to elicit cheers.

I personally have great faith in Gomes and feel he is a top class keeper. However, with Cudicini now crippled with man's greatest fear, a wrist injury, and the Academy boys failing to shine, it seems new blood is needed as backup. No proven keeper worth his salt is going to be content warming the bench for us and spending money on an old keeper seems to be a wasted investment. We need a young and raw keeper who will be willing to train hard and wait his turn. Whilst I would dearly love to see our improved scouting network turn up a generic South American wonderkid, I think we should look a little closer to home. Scott Loach may not be a household name but he is held in high regard by Watford fans and pundits alike. From the little I have seen of him he looks to be in good form this season and is only being kept from the U-21 jersey by Jo Hart. He has openly stated he would jump at the chance to join Tottenham, presumably on the understanding he would only be back-up. If the price is right this may be money well spent.

Thoughts??

InArryWeTrust

Tottenham's £8 million mystery man

I can't have been the only Tottenham fan raising a bemused eyebrow when, this summer, the Tottenham website proclaimed itself 'happy to announce' the signings of Kyle Walker and Kyle Naughton from Sheffield United for an eye watering sum of money. Using every tool available to a prestigious ITK such as myself (by which I mean Wikipedia, Youtube and Champ Manager) I scoured the virtual world for information on these two dubiously named characters. I expected a babble of excited anoraks speaking in hushed virtual whispers about Sheffield's best kept secret (excluding widespread community incest). In reality there was so little information even Comolli would have thought twice before having a punt.

I shall leave young Master Walker out of this on the basis that he was purchased for one of two reasons:

1) As a deal sweetener - With numerous clubs showing an interest in Naughton and Everton weighing in with a bid, 'Arry flogged the remainder of his 'genuine rolexs', jumped in his Reliant and motored up to Bramall Lane. The sum for Walker himself is believed to be nominal but with the promise of a loan back it was money in Kevin Blackwell's chubby little hands and a great incentive to deal with us and not Everton. A kind of buy one get one free (a little bit later on) deal.

2) As a future prospect - At the time of purchase Walker had only just broken into the Blades first team and had featured fleetingly for the U-19s. Throwing him into the physical and psychological side of the Premiership would be as about as irresponsible as letting Bentley park your car. He was never bought as the kind of player who could nonchalantly stroll into the 1st XI but as a bit of a gamble. Perhaps he will come good, more probably he will not but even to Levy, a man tighter than Tom Jones's face, £1-2 million isn't a lot of money. He's getting games for United, the Championship is more competitive than ever and all that experience can never be a bad thing. Watch this space...

So back to the real star of the show, Kyle Naughton. Despite his name he was not born in the Deep South, does not appear to favour caravans as a place of residence and does not (currently) have a pony tail. He is actually Sheffield born and bred, impressed throughout his academy days and even Arsene's professional team of child trappers were sniffing round him. 7-9 million odd is a lot of money for a left back, especially for one with no top tier experience. Pundits claimed he would play 'an important and immediate' role in 'Harry Redknapp's Tottenham project'. 5 months later and just one first team appearance in the 94th minute has left me more than a little perplexed. Anyone got any ideas?? I watched him pre-season and thought he looked quick, intelligent and incredibly composed on the ball for his age. We have Hutton as cover for right back and Bale as cover for the left, so Kyle is left bumping round with the reserves and the Academy boys. Why not a run out in the cups? Why not a loan?

Sitting in the reserves is never good for a player, both mentally and physically, especially not at an early stage in a player's development. That said, maybe his luck is about to turn. With Hutton being shoved out the exit door and BAE off to confront anonymous Cameroonian fans at the African Cup of Nations there is suddenly space on the bench. I am led to believe Naughton is a right back but is not afraid to play on the left. An injury or a couple of shockers from Bale, or Charlie being forced to play in the middle and suddenly there is a nice little shaven headed space in the first team. We have a unenviable reputation at Tottenham for ruining young talent and this cannot continue. Levy is a generous benefactor but we aren't Citeh and splurging money on 'complete' players is unsustainable. Come this January I'd love to see Naughton pulling on a Spurs shirt and getting some first team experience.

He doesn't have to be magic, I'm not expecting miracles.

That said it is Christmas...

In 'Arry We Trust

Ready to give up on Tottenham?

I wonder if there is a statistic about the average life expectancy of a Tottenham fan. There must be a fair number of stress induced strokes "Oh God Gomes is coming out to claim a cross", cardiac arrests born of sheer unadulterated ecstasy "We put how many past Wigan?" and more than a few broken hearts "I am NEVER eating lasagna again". Yet surely the greatest cause of Tottenham related fatality is years and years of utter exasperation. This season has been both a blogger's wet dream and worst nightmare. Usually after a thoughtful morning ride on the fetid sweatbox that is the Northern Line and a couple of pints with my fellow yids I feel myself to be an authority on Tottenham's failings and the obvious solutions that dear old 'Arry (bless him, he is getting on a it) has missed. Just last week I thought I had cracked it. Tottenham had developed the 'professionalism' and 'discipline' to break down the league's strugglers but still lacked an inner confidence needed to beat the big boys. Two results down the line and I find myself as confused and frustrated as Cheryl Cole on her Honeymoon. Yes Wolves defended well but we looked utterly toothless. What happened to that gritty streak that saw us rip apart Wigan and had Jordan screaming 'Freeedddooommm' in delight on the side of the pitch? Suddenly when taking into account Everton and Man Utd in the Carling Cup I began to feel that familiar old shiver of fear. The same I used to feel when I saw Bent in our starting lineup...

Yet just as I had compiled my thoughts into something relatively coherent rather than the stream of vitriol that would have Allardyce blushing, Man City happened. I was actually down watching Ricky Gervais in Brighton during the game and spent the whole two hours thinking "Enjoy this, it will be the last time you feel laughter and happiness until West Ham get relegated". I pictured the texts flooding onto my phone, the league table being posted on my facebook by my gooner 'friends' and I thought about the MOTD boys shaking their heads and using cliches more worn out than King's knee. Gingerly I edged into WalkAbout to see the last 10 minutes and was instantly surrounded by revelling Spurs fans. I watched the delicate flicks, the crisp cool passing, the deliciously accurate crosses and wondered for a moment whether White Hart Lane had been magically relocated to Rio De Janiero, such was the Samba football on display. I found myself staring at the screen greeting every cute move with claps and giggles like a pre-pubescent girl at a Westlife concert.

Everything I had carefully planned to whinge about was being rectified by the cool, fluorescent glow of the television. BAE playing with passion yet composure(not to mention that priceless nutmegging of Adabewhore, Palacios throwing in tackles like the good old days and Crouchy having the ball played into his feet rather than hopeful lumps up the pitch. It wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Still too many stray passes, still too many overcomplicated moves, and just one run from Petrov brought back familiar fears about our inability to defend against pace. Yet this genuinely looked like the kind of Tottenham side which could break the stranglehold. Bassong is talented but still learning however, in the absence of Ledders and Woody, Dawson is fast becoming not only a fine commanding centre back but also, a fine captain. I cannot remember ever seeing true leadership emanating from a Tottenham player in the manner which came so naturally to Viera and still does from Terry. The injuries to our two lynch pins may actually be a mixed blessing, if Dawson continues to mature and improve I sense the makings of a Captain Fantastic and White Hart Lane legend.

Last Saturday I wanted to recall O'Hara and shove him in BAE's position, to try a five man midfield with Modric as link man, and I wanted to write to Daniel Levy asking for one last little portion of his children's inheritance in January. Now, as ever, I am just another confused spurs fan not daring to believe we might actually be good enough...

Cue hairloss, palid skin and a world weary look...the slow inevitable transformation into Gary Megson...

In 'Arry We Trust

Tottenham Hotspur: The Season so far...

Gentlemen, first things first, apologies, I realize I have been off the blogging scene almost as long as if I'd "broken a bone in my leg". Not that you are at all concerned with my personal life but I have had quite a manic time of late. Up until now my Internet connection has been about as effective as Arry's botox injections. Fortunately, after a series of Joe Jordan-esque phonecalls, Mr Murdock was kind enough to quickly button up his trousers, bid Arsene, Alex, Rafa and Carlo farewell and gift me with all the wonders of a Sky Internet and TV package. 'Oh Brilliant' I thought 'just in time for the Everton game'...as if we needed another reason to hate Murdoch.

There is far too much ground to possibly cover in one post. There was the systematic dismantling of my self respect as I sat, the only spurs fan, in a Croatian bar, watching Chelsea dissect us like an inquisitive and playful child with an insect. Then there was the gut wrenching sight of Fabregas waltzing through our backline with Palacios and King, our two great, tough tackling, defensive rocks made to look like Titus Bramble. And then...well...thats it really. Lets be honest, when looking at the season so far its been a great success. This was always going to be a tough year with Man City spending heavily in the summer and Villa dealing well in the transfer market but, nearly half way through and we're up in fourth place punching with the big boys.

This appears to be a very different spurs side to the one I have watched utterly exasperated for the last few years. The Tottenham of old upped their game against the Big Four, usually still losing but putting in plucky performances that, for once, won acclaim in the media. The same Tottenham would then grind out sloppy draws against West Brom and Derby, throwing points away against teams we should easily have put to the sword. This season we have been outplayed by United, Arsenal and Chelsea (although never by as much as the scoreline has suggested), making schoolboy errors that have cost us dear. Yet, far more encouragingly, against the so called 'lesser' teams of the Premiership we have taken leads, defended them and put the game to bed, tucking them up like Wenger doing his nightly rounds at the Arsenal U-14s Lodge. Christmas has never been kind to our dear club so lets hope the apparent crisis of confidence we showed in front of goal at Everton was only a temporary blip.

Are we a top four team? Maybe. We certainly aren't a top 3 team yet but Liverpool are looking like a genuine casualty this season. My only worry is that a couple of nasty injuries and we are in a very sticky situation. Despite my initial reservations Krancjar has been a fantastic replacement for little Luka but I still feel we lack quality cover in key positions. With the continuing rehabilitation problems affecting Ledley and Woody all we need is an injury to Dawson or Bassong and we are back to the dark days of Huddlestone anchoring our backline. I also can't help but feel Defoe is our only prolific striker. With Pav nearing the exit door, I just don't believe that Keane and Crouch are capable of spearheading a top four goal rush. And then there's Lennon. One broken leg and we'll have a whole season with Bentley on the flank. Lets hope for some clever and cost effective re-enforcements in January.

In 'Arry We Trust

Why we all love 'Arry

Fellow yids, this time tomorrow I will be basking in the luke warm temperatures and (apparantely) torrential rain of the Croatian coastline. Most believe that I will be there in the hope that my body, currently resembling a Spurs shirt (white with the mildest touch of yellow), will be transformed into the bronzed hue of the big eared, crisp eating one. However, the true reason for my trip is of far greater importance. During my travels I hope to find myself in a little village outside Zadar, walking up a dusty track to a farmhouse with wooden shutters. With a shaking hand I will knock firmly on the heavy oak door and step back respectfully, head bowed, waiting for a response. Suddenly comes the rasping noise of bolts being drawn and the gentle creak of ancient hinges. From the darkness of the doorway emerges a small, grey haired woman, hunched slightly; the woman who gave us Little Luka. Overwhelmed by emotion, bleary eyed, I will rush forward seizing her in a familial embrace then leaning forward ever so gently I will whisper 'Thank you' and depart.

Whilst the last paragraph has as much truth in it as an 'Arry press conference "Peter Crouch? Never 'eard of 'im. No the chairman's not made an approach. Utter rubbish...garbage", I am indeed going away to Croatia for a week. I promise to return having unearthed numerous footballing gems and wearing the scars of being a victorious England fan, but in the meantime...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZcDTl4bYAY

Cracks me up everytime I watch it, and just to make it even better it was live on Sky Sports news. This interview is part of the reason I love 'Arry. He doesn't mess around, he doesn't mince his words (at least not to players) and he's never afraid to express his opinion. With football increasingly filled with perma tanned prima donnas, both on and off the field, its nice to see someone from the old school still doing his thing, and so far, doing it well.

In 'Arry We Trust

Tottenham's Future: In Safe Hands??

Stop press, hold the phone, the delightful carousel that is Tottenham's transfer policy has spun back into action. There we all were, plodding on with our daily lives as expressionless as Phil Brown after his latest Botox injection and then 'Arry stings us with a blinder of a transfer. Tottenham are apparently 'delighted to announce' the signing of some lad called Walker. No, not our shaven headed defensive prodigy but a man old enough to be his father who looks like he woke up on a park bench . I introduce you to Jimmy Walker, the newest addition to Tottenham's young ambitious title challenging squad...(pause for rapturous applause)...erm yeah I thought as much.

Well lets look at his career credentials. 9 years at Walsall and 5 years at the Spammers (with 13 only appearances). Hardly the kind of stuff that makes the earth move. Oh wait I'm forgetting he did have recent first team experience...with Colchester on loan. 'Arry have you been taking your pills properly?

Perhaps in light of Gomes's injury this was just the managerial equivalent of 'double bagging' but this transfer worries me. It seems strange to me that under the financial stewardship of Levy, a man so notoriously tight he makes Alan Sugar look like Father Christmas, we would want to expand our strict wage bill with more goalkeeping cover. No doubt Walker is on a relative pittance of a wage, bumbling along on four figures a week, poor old chap, but his signing serves to highlight a far deeper problem.

Two or three years ago Ben Alnwick was an exciting prospect. Not the type that had Lineker and Hanson bouncing up and down like Zokora on speed, but the type of player who looked talented, solid and with the character to succeed. His form during his Sunderland days was impressive and he even saved a Robbie Keane penalty. One should note this was back in the days before Keane went to play for his boyhood club Celtic...oh sorry I mean Liverpool. Alnwick played well in a poor Sunderland team and was only kept from a consistent place by the rising star of Joe Hart. At the beginning of this season I was not surprised that he was loaned out to Norwich, after all he could not expect much football behind Gomes and Cudicini, and, after all, loans are an important part of any young players development. It has always seemed to me that Alnwick was the obvious replacement to Cudicini when the time came for him to move to a plush retirement pad in Naples. When Gomes was injured, that comfy looking empty seat at the Lane with “Goalkeeping sub” written on it seemed to have a natural successor. Cudicini was (and is) a more than capable deputy for Gomes and the injury was only predicted to be a month long affair. So why wasn't Alnwick recalled?

The simple answer is that neither Alnwick or Button (who has represented England at U-19 and U-20 level) were considered good enough to warm the bench. The panic measure of bringing in cover may have been justified if Gomes's injury had ruled him out for the season but there he was in the dugout, kitted up, for the United game. Alnwick and Button may not set the world alight but if the Academy are not capable of producing players worthy of providing two games worth of cover then I despair. Either that or Cudicini will be on his way in January...

In 'Arry We Trust

Tottenham's Number One?

Am I the only person who is disappointed with yesterdays transfer activity?

At the end of a quiet day 'Arry emerged to talk to reporters looking as worn out as King's knee and the only announcement to be made was the signing of Niko Kranjcar. Well I don't know about you lot, but I smell a rat. Kranjcar is talented, professional and hardworking. He will fit in easily into the squad aided by Charlie and Modders and fills a position which has long been a problem. To top it all off we grabbed this Croatian international, premier league proven 'fantastic player and great lad' for £2.5 million. What the hell has happened to our club? Over the past summer we seem to have only made sensible, coherent signings that address real problems and give our squad good all round cover. Whatever happened to those assertions that Ronaldo (at the height of his powers and before becoming clinically obese) would soon be plying his trade at the Lane? The best the press could come up with were some very tenuous links to the Real Madrid subs bench. After a few excited days of frantic keyboard tapping, it was all quiet on the forum front. Not even an enquiry about Messi or the offer of a youth coaching contract to Wenger paid for in weekly instalments of Worthers Originals? Indeed it is quite a strange feeling being a Tottenham fan sitting second in the table and with a hungry, talented, ambitious squad ready for whatever comes.

Instead of grumpily mumbling about the incompetence of a director of football, being overcharged for average players and lacking cover in key positions, the perennial sceptics known as Tottenham fans suddenly find themselves without a purpose in life. I wander the streets unshaven, reeking of special brew stumbling from person to person asking them if we maybe spent too much on Bassong, is Alex Inglethorpe the right man to lead the Academy, was your tea cold at the Birmingham game as well? We find ourselves screaming at the elderly post office clerk about a 1p rise in second class stamps, petitioning the government repeatedly to stop medical testing on guinea pigs and talking about the 'good old days' under Christian Gross with a bleary eyed nostalgia. I awake every morning with a new feeling I have never felt before. A feeling of warmth that I have since had explained to me is called contentedness. Yet just when I thought I would end up a bitter, miserable old man after Tottenham completed their 14th consecutive title, good old 'Arry has thrown us a bone.

Some blogs have misquoted or misunderstood 'Arry but I listened to his interview yesterday with great interest and in no uncertain terms it seems he is interested in bringing James to the Lane. Of course there was the usual statement about how Tottenham already had “two perfectly good goalkeepers” but rather than denying any enquiry had been made with a guttural cry of “utter tosh”, 'Arry instead responded that a deal “was never going to be a possibility”. If the spurs ITK's (and following suit the mainstream press) are to be believed then 'Arry did try to re-sign James and the proposal was quashed by Daniel Levy on the grounds of James's negligible re-sale value. At the Pompey end there was the statement that 'no official bids were made' but questions about the widely reported swap deal involving Cudicini were met with a wall of silence. So it appears that by means of cash or swap, 'Arry did attempt to bring his old charge James to North London. I was relieved to feel the delightful fuzzy feeling of the last few weeks receding.

First of all I should state that I think Cudicini is a very good keeper, and a worthy backup for any team in the Premiership. He was at fault for Birmingham's goal but he cannot just be expected to walk into a team after a lengthy absence and enjoy a Uri Geller-esque telepathic understanding with his back line; plus something tells me you wouldn't want to see what was going on in Hutton's head. I feel he has fitted well into the team and has demonstrated some fantastic reflex saves as well as a decent command of his area. It always surprises me that no-one else has come in for him but their loss is our gain. I personally would not want to swap Cudicini for James and not just because Carlo is 4 years younger. Yet James surely wouldn't be content warming those rather comfy looking benches during a World Cup year, suggesting he would, at the very least, have been rotated with Gomes.

Gomes had his moments last season and I was unfortunate enough to have been at White Hart Lane to witness some of them first hand. There has been the flapping at crosses, his uppercut on Corluka and who remembers this one...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEz9lgPfSSE

There were those who had written him off by January as talk of various replacements intensified. I myself wondered what had happened to the man who had single handedly knocked us out of the UEFA cup and was hero worshipped by the PSV fans. The press ridiculed him, the so called experts slated him, and the fans cheered sarcastically every time he made a save. Yet somehow, when no-one believed in him and when he was held up as a clown and a joke, he turned himself around and set a club record for clean sheets. James is undoubtedly a good goalkeeper, even at his age and most of the forum debates have verged on whether he is 'better' than Gomes. The truth is, that fans can argue for the rest of the season over who is a better shot stopper/best at coming for crosses etc but that is as pointless as trying to understand Joe Jordan's interviews. The fact of the matter is that Gomes has looked the lowest part of his career in the face and has risen above it. With his cheeky grin and the kind of nose that can smell the future he has become a firm fans favourite, putting in some top quality performances between the sticks. On top of this he has proven he's got guts, something 'Arry promised he would give to the team. If our loveable Brazilian Pinnochio is sold off to make way for James it will be a betrayal of all the hard work and character both he and Tony Parks have shown both on and off the pitch over the past six months. Let's hope January never comes...

In 'Arry We Trust

The Lost Left Generation

Tottenham's transfer policy is hardly the envy of the Premiership. The amount of money we have pissed up the wall on unproven and ultimately useless players can only be explained as Levy's form of self-harm. Generally it takes one of two paths: the unpolished foreign gem or the home-grown British youngster, and neither have met with particular success. On the foreign scene there was Atouba, Taraabt, Prince Boateng, Rocha, Gilberto and the one who's name even Dumbledore fears to speak...(in hushed whispers)...Rebrov. I am all for bringing through and blooding English youngsters but our policy of judging and nurturing talent seems to be equally flawed. First there was Darren “Tw*tter” Bent and whilst the donkey got goals, most of them were off his shin, the side of his face, his elbow etc etc. Hardly £18 million worth of Premiership gold. Bentley has been another expensive 'flop' and can be added to the likes of Routledge and Ricketts in promising so much and delivering so little. There are exceptions of course, with the stand out candidate being little Lennon, and some of the academy boys (Bostock and Rose especially) are showing a good level of development.

Yet in no position has this transfer policy failed us more than where we most need it, the difficult left side. At the moment 'Arry seems to be content with Modric pulling the strings out on the flank like the little Croatian puppet master he is. A number of people have criticised this saying Modric is 'wasted out there', citing his weak left and his tendency to cut in. Personally I disagree. The great problem Tottenham has experienced over the last few seasons is the inability to boss the middle of the park. With Sergeant Wilson adding some much needed bite and rumours of another enforcer like Sandro being brought in, we should not risk softening our centre with a lightweight Luka. So for the time being, until we get the little fella into the gym and on the same stuff Defoe is taking, Modric should stay on the left. However, when that most controversial of all topics 'squad strength' is mentioned we find ourselves with a problem. If Modric gets injured/suspended and with O'Hara out on loan, suddenly the burden falls onto the diminutive shoulders of Dos Santos.

This boy is surely the greatest example of a 'typical' Spurs buy. Unveiled to the Tottenham faithful with the fanfare of being Ronaldinho's successor, he was going to set the Premiership alight. Fair play to him, he's young and he came into a struggling side. On top of that every player should be given a season of grace to 'adapt' to our fine and apparently quite physical league (try telling the SPL that). Nevertheless, for whatever reason, 'Arry doesn't like him; first shunting him off on loan to Ipswich and then trying to flog him to Pompey. The persistent rumour is that he is a big drinker and rocks up to training late and hungover. If that is the case why hasn't he been fined, why haven't the press made more of a fuss? A far more coherent reason can be seen in the breakdown of his transfer to Pompey when he failed a medical. Suddenly it seems as though Barca may have known something we didn't. The spurs medical staff knew he had knee problems but perhaps these are considerably more serious than first thought. You don't have to be a be-spectacled, bald club chairman to realise a crocked teenager won't make much at market. Glue factory anyone?

In much the same way, our other great left sided prospect Gareth Bale has faded into obscurity despite indications of interest from Milan and Martin Jol. Maybe the Tottenham staff are more superstitious than we had previous thought. Perhaps our young monkey faced prodigy is locked inside his house whilst 'Arry, pitchfork in hand, leads a jeering, torch bearing mob chanting 'Witch, Witch!'. This, however, is unlikely. Mr Redknapp hardly seems the type to believe in 'a load of old tosh' about jinxes and curses. So, injuries aside, why has Bale failed to even feature on the bench? Benoit Assou Ekotto does not have an understudy and in the Darlington game Hutton was forced to shift over the the left. Safe to say he looked more uncomfortable than Cashley Cole when being questioned about his great friendship with George Michael. The lad showed a bit of rashness in his positioning and tackling but I, and many others, thought he looked like a good prospect. Clearly, with persistent ITK reports of bids for Petrov and Belhadj, the club do not feel that Bale and Giovanni are up to the task.

Dos Santos looked good against Doncaster but if there are problems off the pitch then let him go. The last thing we need is another heavy boozer who might lead our dear, naïve Ledders into trouble again (I'm fairly sure it was Dos Santos framing Ledley anyway). I would like to hang on to Bale, he's still young and can play anywhere on the left flank. Oh and he hits the ball so sweetly it brings tears to my eyes...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqhoK0QWAXs

However if the boys at the top think he doesn't cut the mustard then so be it...

In 'Arry We Trust

Will the real David Bentley please stand up

Once upon a time the skin headed, tattooed ex-cons we all refer to lovingly as the Yid army were reduced to excited giggling children with the news that we had brought 'Beckham's successor' to the Lane. Cheeky grin, perfectly coiffured and with the initials 'DB', this was fate surely? £15 million of the Levy children's inheritance, one year on, and what do we have? The kind of expensive bench warmer that allows Shevchenko to sleep at night. To make things worse, hours after posing for pictures looking like he had taken fashion advice from El Hadj Diouf, we are informed he decided to wrap his Porsche 911 around a lamp post and was promptly arrested for drink driving. One can only assume that Redknapp's already ruddy complexion reached colours previously unknown to man when news of the event reached him. Yet even before this unfortunate incident the Bentley fan club was hardly trumpeting record numbers of attendees. 'He's arrogant', 'He doesn't give a sh*t about the club', 'Redknapp could get up and down the wing quicker than him', were some of the more polite comments made about dear old David over the past season. By the end of reading this stream of vitriol I almost expected Mr Bentley senior to pop up and admit he was an accident.

I'm as guilty as anyone for jumping on the bandwagon. I remember spraying spittle all over the bloke and his child in front every time he gave the ball away. I remember cheering sarcastically when he was subbed off along with 30,000 odd other fans. I remember using the phrase 'I hope he never pulls on the shirt again' as I tore up my ticket...oh no wait...that was about Bent. But now, after much soul searching, I have a confession to make; I think we should give Bentley another chance.

Forgetting his off the field antics Bentley is by no means the complete football player. For one, he is slow. Compared to our revived pocket rocket Bentley looks like he is slowly fossilizing out on the right flank. He always tries to do too much, every pass has to be a killer ball. Yes yes David we all saw the goal against Ar5ena1 but lets be honest, it was probably a cross anyway. On top of that he doesn't get stuck in, rarely tracks back and doesn't want to head the ball in case it jeopardises his Brylcream sponsorship. All fair criticisms but none of them worthy of exiling the guy from the team permanently. He lacks pace but this is probably because he has never needed it. Blackburn Bentley passed around players and had the kind of off the ball movement and vision that left defenders metaphorically nutmegged. Yes he tries too hard but surely this is understandable. Bentley comes from an entire family of spurs fans and carries the enormous burden of his price tag. He was brought up with the same story we all were, that Tottenham play beautiful,slick passing football, and this shows up in his game. He perhaps doesn't get stuck in as much as he should but then nor did Count Berbula at United until the press and fans got on his back.

There is no doubt Bentley has problems and many have said he has fallen in with his old gang from his days with the scum. After the drink driving incident the statement on the spurs website mentioned the 'personal and professional wake up call' it had given DB. Originally I scoffed but now I'm not so sure. Rumours from ITK's about Bentley being the first on the training field and the last off are becoming too persistent to be ignored. Then there was the Doncaster game, creating three of the five goals and banging the fourth one in himself. Bentley is a confidence player, pure and simple. He needs an arm round his shoulder, a run in the team and for the fans to be singing his name. A few games will enable him to get back his swagger and to build up an understanding with Corluka in the same way Lennon has. That said, Lennon is untouchable at the moment and it is difficult to see where Bentley could fit in. Perhaps shifting Lennon over the the left and bringing Modric in to play in front of Palacios...who knows?

Call me a romantic but there is nothing better than the villain becoming the hero, the return of a prodigal son. He looks hungry to get on the pitch and prove himself, the same kind of hunger that seems to be spurring Defoe on. If Bentley gets his chance, I'll be cheering him on from the terraces. If, that is, he gets his chance...

One last roll of the dice..?

In 'Arry We Trust

Musings on the Liverpool game

Two moments in particular from last season gave me that warm and fuzzy feeling reminiscent of the first time Uncle Arsene played the 'touching game' with me. The first of these was Lennon wheeling away in delight and being mobbed by players and fans alike, his 94th minute strike making it 4-4 away at the scum. The memory of Arsene Wenger stamping and cursing in the dug-out like a petulant child will never fail to bring a smile to my face. The second was closer to home, 1-1 with an unbeaten Liverpool at the Lane, backs against the wall and we're being played off the park. Just as the ninety minutes rolls up and it seems we are going to hold out for a memorable draw, there is a little spark of magic. Some bloke who used to play for us called Bentley, cuts inside and hits the ball with all the swerve he has perfected behind the wheel of his Porsche 911. Reina pulls off a fantastic save but the ball drops to Bent. With possibly the best touch he ever made in a Tottenham shirt, he trickles it 3 yards back for Pav to bang home from close range. It was one of those moments where the crowd noise was so intense that the camera was unable to focus. In the words of Football Manager he sent 'the fans into raptures, the stewards struggle to hold them back'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ac4AATxMCSo Watch from 1:40 to feel those shivers all over again.

And who would have thought that next season we would do it all over again. Paddy Power and Betfair certainly didn't, and to be honest neither did I, but in the end it was so effortless we let two of our defenders score. Lets not get this out of context here, Liverpool looked jaded and this is the first step in a marathon season but there was much to take from it. For a start we have finally seen what 'Arry has always told us, that Benoit has “some triffic power in that left boot of 'is”. In fact, it was second only to Danielle Llyod in the list of screamers nailed by Tottenham players. That said, I thought BAE was the only one of our defenders to look shaky on the back foot. Having traded his tribute to Afroman for some more cultured corn-rows, it seemed he allowed poor decision making to slip back into his football. Let us hope this was just minor stage fright from the youngster who was in impressive form last season and kept Ronaldo in his pocket.

The defence in general was fantastic and King in particular was impeccable. He was strong in the air and on the ground, was always talking, and most importantly of all, he showed he has not lost his pace. Indeed, Torres was kept out of the game so well by the big man that chants of “Who are ya, who are ya” echoed around the Lane every time he touched the ball. King needs to play, no matter what it takes. Send him out there with a drip, with a prosthetic leg, anything!! When he plays Tottenham are a different side, simple as that. Corluka put in another solid performance with his casual, loping style of play and Bassong looks like a real prospect. Early days but I certainly smelt the distinct whiff of a young Ledley on him (and no I don't mean Jack Daniels), one to watch for sure.

In midfield, the stand out performer was undoubtedly Palacios, the guy is an animal and exactly what we have been missing for so long. With the absence of Alonso, he bossed and hounded Liverpool's soft squidgy centre and broke up every attack with one of his fearsome lunges. Gerrard, the pool's proudest talisman, was kept quieter than a nightclub with an unconscious DJ. Huddlestone was ok and hit some nice balls as ever but was never closed down. The guy is class when he has all the time in the world to push dainty passes around, whether this season he can step up and play under pressure remains to be seen. Modric didn't have his best game but still demonstrated his exceptional vision and creativity. Some of his passes showed a touch so gentle, so tender and yet so penetrating, it could only be rivalled by the late Michael Jackson. Lennon was double marked out of the game but provided a useful outlet and remains invaluable on the counter. I shall leave any discussion of our strike force for another post but safe to say I have my concerns. I know the Premiership is about versatility and strength in depth but in a season where we have no European football and where the World Cup beckons, not one of those lads is going to be content bench warming.

In the end we looked good for the win and for once we conceded against the run of play (oh Gomes you joker you!) but didn't go to pieces. Instead it was Liverpool who started to lose the plot. First came the misplaced passes, then the cynical tackles and hissy fits, and finally an irate Sammy Lee was sent off (although appeared to wander into a broom closet at the entrance to the tunnel). At times they looked in such turmoil I almost expected Bellamy to run on with a golf club searching for his old Scandinavian pal. Liverpool were bad, dreadful at times, but forget that and forget the dubious penalty shouts. Tottenham weathered pressure, played sensible and at times delightful football and came away with a result they thoroughly deserved.

In 'Arry We Trust

Spurs for the Title??

Life isn't easy being a Spurs fan. Every year since humans developed the capacity to communicate, mumblings of 'this is the season' have be heard drifting on the wind around North London. Every year, Tottenham fans have momentarily clicked away from their pornography to fill message boards and forums with talk of breaking the top four. Every year my inherent scepticism is broken down by the sheer, dogged optimism of my fellow yids and every year I sit in front of Sky Sports watching our delusions of grandeur slowly unravelling. Indeed, such deep feelings of disappointment are comparable only to when that fit girl Claire rejected you back in year 9. The early signs were good; you spent heavily on flowers, you said all the right things and the rumours started to spread round the school that she fancied you. Expectations ran high, the lads slapped you on the back and before you knew it the school disco rolled round.

Kitted out in the shirt your grandma bought you for Christmas 1997 and a few bacardi breezers down, you're feeling good. You see her across the dancefloor dancing seductively, hips gyrating to the sensual strains of B*witched. All of a sudden your eyes meet. 'This is it, this is it' your brain screams out to you as you move towards the press of sweaty teenyboppers. Your heart races, the adrenaline pumps, and then, the crowd parts and there she is...held in the tender embrace of the school rugby captain with tonsil hockey the order of the day. Dejected, shunned, distraught, you shuffle back to the benches where the boys from the chess club are sitting and pretend to be texting. The night ends with you copping off with that slightly podgy, ginger girl from the year below with a minor sweat problem and a noticeable moustache. Such is the ignominy of mid-table...

However, incredibly the run up to this season has been different. The mood on the Tottenham forums has swung between apathy and downright defeatism. Perhaps it is easy to see why. We have long and proud tradition of heavy summer spending, of bringing skillful and exciting players to the Premiership; lions like Klinsmann, Ardilles and...erm...Thimothee Atouba..? However, after months of speculation linking us with everyone from Huntelaar, to Nistelrooy to Sandra Redknapp, and after frantically wiping down our keyboards on many occasions, nothing has materialised. Instead we have ended up with two unproven Sheffield United youngsters for 'Arry to add to his collection of right backs, a defender from a relegated Newcastle squad and something straight out of a young child's nightmare, 'The Crouch'. Even the press, ever ready to massage our egos and set us up for the inevitable fall (“White Hart Pain”, “Gory Gory Tottenham Hotspur”, f*ck off back to Britain's got talent Piers Morgan) have been strangely silent on our prospects. Indeed Martin O'Neill's youthful Villa and Sparky's harem of Bentley driving gold-diggers, have been the only ones mentioned in the same breath as the top four. If I didn't know better I'd say I was feeling a little envious, don't force me into another school disco analogy again.

Yet taking time out from his intense pre season training, his community outreach projects targeting unloved bouncers and being generally 'Dedley', our dear club captain had something very useful to say:

“It has been quiet here. There has not been too much talk about us and the top four. For the last few seasons everyone has been talking about us doing this and that. Now it has been nice to say nothing and just work hard”.

And guess what? The big lad's right. Our squad is certainly ambitious and no one can doubt that the summer additions have given us great strength in depth, but such intense pressure isn't always a good thing. For once, our boys can play without the looming spectre of Lineker being ridiculed every time we lose on Match of the Day. No-one expects us to achieve so we have nothing to lose. Tottenham can just play football without the burden of media expectation and unrealistic fan aspiration, and that has to be a good thing. Perhaps Ledley's speech shows that he has grown as both a captain and a man. Perhaps it reveals a new found realistic maturity in the Spurs dressing room. Perhaps it means we can all settle down and enjoy the season, the great spectacle that is football without the constant jibes from our 'mates' who support the big four.

“With the quality we have got, we can break into the top four."

Oh for f*cks sake Ledley. Who misses Gary Mabbutt..?

In 'Arry We Trust